When people find out I had an emergency caesarean, that is what I am usually asked. That, and how big my scar is and if you can see it. My scar isn’t very big, in case you were wondering.
The day before I went in to hospital, I turned to Anthony and said if I needed a caesarean I would be devastated, and I was absolutely petrified at the thought.
I have never had surgery in my life and I have never broken anything. The most major accident I had was running around the park when I was little. I fell on a piece of glass that decided it liked habituating inside of my knee, and I needed to have it stitched up. You can imagine my absolute horror, then, when my labour started turning a bit sour and I knew I only had one option at the end.
After 3 days in labour, I just desperately wanted to meet my baby, and knew I had to give my head a shake, wipe the tears away, and get on with it. You’re almost a mother, Fern, pull yourself together.
When I was being wheeled to theatre, all I could think about was that woman on One Born who could still feel the scalpel and was screaming so much that she had to be put to sleep. She didn’t meet her baby for hours after he or she was born. I was shaking like crazy, and when Anthony had to wait in the waiting room while they prepped me I just remember sobbing uncontrollably, in case, in some freak accident, they would forget about him and he’d miss the birth.
Despite this, as soon as I was brought to the room, I was greeted by such a friendly atmosphere that I instantly felt relaxed and my worries disappeared.
Excuse my memory, as it is clouded by Diamorphine and many other drugs, but I remember there were about 5 or 6 people in there who were all pottering in different areas of the room, doing their own assigned job, chatting to me about various topics and making me forget about the awful labour, and what was going on, and just basically the whole ‘I was about to have major surgery whilst awake’ thing. I have to at least thank the NHS for that.
I’d already had the epidural in my labour so I can’t really comment on that, but I didn’t find the epidural painful when I got it either. I don’t think any needle pain will match up to the back to back contractions I was having. I will also admit I was dead against the epidural for myself, as I read far too much into the long term effects, and so far I have not received any side effects from it.
The worst part about the whole thing was having to give my consent for them to remove my womb if anything serious were to happen, and basically making me aware of all of the horrible situations that you can possibly think of. I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind that O may be my first and only baby. I want more babies.
After my consent and my spinal block, the anaesthetist kept asking me if I could feel anything whilst I presume he was prodding me with some form of instrument, but I couldn’t feel a single thing. I was so relieved. Anthony was brought in, and my caesarean began!
This is going to be the strangest comparison you have ever heard… but, if you stick your hands in deep bath water and swish them about, that feeling, is what it felt like they were doing to my stomach. I could feel a weird sensation like my insides were being pulled and swished, but had no idea they’d even cut me open, it felt like a vigorous stomach massage and I couldn’t help but wonder if that was part of the process. I only knew when I heard O’s first cry that he was okay and everything would be fine.
Now, I would sign up for another one any day of the week.
And that was that. If you have come across this post because you need to have a caesarean, please don’t panic. I promise you everything will be okay. The thought is a lot scarier than the actual process. Yes the recovery isn’t the nicest, but it is worth it, and you can relax knowing your foof is still okay. I think I am more scared about needing stitches in my bits now.
Have you had a caesarean? Are you scared that you’ll need one?
Let me know below