Going Back To Work

October 11, 2016

The dreaded time has come. I am going back to work tomorrow, and I don’t know exactly how I feel about it.

I am happy to be going back. Am I the first mum blogger to say that? I am sick of the loneliness through the day and the Cbeebies songs, and the jumperoo music that is embedded into my brain, OH, and the spending money for the sake of it just to get out the house scenario. I am sick of being skint, and to be honest I hate doing everything by myself (well, baby is there too, but as he can’t speak or walk he’s not much company at the moment).

Going to work will eliminate these problems, but my heart aches just thinking about it. I hate not seeing O for a few hours at a time, never mind a whole 8 per day. I am being consumed by the anxiety of missing his first crawl, his first word, his first walk. These milestones are so important, and he’s so close to crawling AND talking. Its bloody typical really, isn’t it.

I wish I could just leave my job and spend every day at home with him, but then if I did that I would go back to being sad mummy who doesn’t socialise with anyone in real life, except daddy when he gets in at 5pm.

I need the human interaction, and I feel guilty for saying that, but I do.

When I was pregnant I never dreamed of being how I am now. I used to look at mothers who said they couldn’t wait to go to work and I’d think ‘why?!’, and I would say stupid things like ‘when the baby is born I will spend every second at home playing and talking to him‘. Ha! It isn’t realistic. I do spend 90% of my day talking and playing with him, but, I will admit, there have been times when I have just wanted five minutes away from the sodding music that comes out of almost every toy he owns, so I will put him in the jumperoo pointed at Mr Tumble while I make myself a cup of tea and breathe for five minutes. These times are getting more frequent now he has more attitude and teeth problems.

Not only that, I will plan something to do for every day of the week, and now I spend almost every day at my mothers house, especially for the free coffee and company. Sorry, mam.

There is definitely a little part of me that is sad though. I feel like I am coming to the end of my own little maternity milestone. My pregnancy bubble has well and truly burst, and now I am just normal Fern again, except with saggier tits/stomach and rather large eye bags. Going back isn’t too bad. I will still see O every night and four full days, which is more than some people get, I guess.

At least when I get paid I will be able to afford more musical toys for Christmas. I can’t wait.

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  • Reply DueDateDiaries October 16, 2016 at 2:22 pm

    Awww! I seriously can't imagine the feeling. I've honestly been debating about working while pregnant because it can get a tad bit lonely. But you going back to work after having your little prince must be hard. Seems like a love and hate relationship we all are going to have to go through eventually. You'll get use to the feeling of being apart from the baby for a while.

    I lowkey laughed at your saggy tits comment!

    xx Shannon

    • Reply MumConventional October 20, 2016 at 7:14 pm

      Thanks for your comment. I feel so proud of myself now I am back, and the days are going a lot quicker than I thought. Haha I definitely have saggier boobs 🙁 I bet you're excited for that! x

  • Reply Katie @mummydaddyme October 17, 2016 at 8:09 pm

    Oh good luck to you! I hope it went well. I remember those emotions well when I went back between my first and second daughter. Part of me was quite looking forward to the adult company and having money again, but part of me was so sad to be leaving her. You get used to it and it does make the time together even more precious.x

    • Reply MumConventional October 20, 2016 at 7:16 pm

      I completely agree. I have been back two weeks now and it has went so much quicker than I thought it would. I will be over the moon when I get my first pay check! X

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