I had that dreaded ‘storage’ message on my phone the other day. I don’t know how it happens, but it does, and comes around with force every 3 months and I spend bloody ages making excuses not to delete anything.
As I was backing it up (18gb used since May?!), I actually realised that I have less than 10 photos of me and him, and he is 17 months old.
Less than 10.
It’s not that I don’t want photos with him, it’s that my other half never thinks to capture the cute moments like I do, and I have ended up with nothing. I have 1 photo from the day O was born which was taken by my Granda, 1 photo from his first train ride when he was about 8 weeks but you can’t see him, and the rest I have taken myself or begged people to take. It’s not that I even want to post them on social media, I just want to keep them.
And I don’t blame my other half for it either. I think he appreciates the memories in his head more, however I am so sentimental that I would love to look back and show him when he’s older, and now I worry.
I worry, because I think if anything ever happens to me, he will have 7 photos to remember me by.
I know people will think that is morbid, and I know, it is, but you literally never know.
I would also want to be able to look back myself when I am 80 years old, trembling hands, telling everyone I come into contact with what my children were like, and I will enjoy boasting about every single thing they did.
I will be that unhinged old lady, who will probably ask too many questions in a lift and say “back in my day” four hundred times in each sentence.
At this point, I actually don’t care about anything in life, other than my family. I used to be obsessed with having a good job, and having money, and yes, I will admit, if you have them and an amazing family, you are extremely lucky. However, when you are old and frail, you won’t care about how much money you spent at 30 years old, you will cherish your memories more than anything. I think that is so important.
Of course, it is great to keep your memories in your mind too. Hard drives can be wiped, photographs can get lost, but, your mind and your memories will be there for a lot longer… I still regret it massively though.
I will never get to see O at 3 months old again. From memory, I couldn’t tell you what exactly he looked like at 3 months without looking at a photograph. Isn’t that extremely sad? To me, it doesn’t feel like he has grown at all, until I am carrying him around for longer than 5 minutes and I realise he suddenly weighs the equivalent of what feels like a baby elephant.
He has just slowly morphed into the little boy he is now, and without looking back, I don’t actually physically see how much he has changed.
And that is why photographs, in my opinion, are so important.
I have vowed to take more, or to consciously ask for more pictures to be taken. Even if I could fill an album with photos nobody else will see, other than O himself, I will be happy, because the first year of his life has gone and I don’t have much to show for it.
Well, other than 3000 pictures with his dad. I wish I was joking, but that figure is probably scarily accurate.