I am a wife and a mother of 3 children, 2 girls aged 7 and a 5 year old with autism. Our little boy is 3, he is also coeliac.
I’m currently new to blogging but have started a blog, about everyday life and dealing with parenting, marriage and autism. Also will feature posts about our current house renovation.
I suffer from health anxiety, which is horrible. It all started when I found out I was pregnant with my little boy, after being told by the doctors I wouldn’t have anymore babies. My very first anxiety attack happened when I was 7 weeks pregnant. My mum said it might help to tell everyone I’m pregnant, she thought it would stop it, but how wrong she was.
From that day onward I had at least 4 panic attacks a day, many leading to A&E admissions, mainly due to me thinking I was dying.
It wasn’t until I was around 6 months pregnant that it really hit me that I had a problem. During a conversation with a family member who I won’t name, they told me I would end up being sectioned and my 2 daughters would be put into care. Now, I know they meant well and thought shock tactics would help, but let me tell you it didn’t help. HELL NO! It made things worse, it made me more anxious, causing more panic. I truly thought I was going crazy and my daughters would be gone.
It wasn’t until just before Christmas of 2013, that I decided to get help. What made me get help was my eldest daughter, who was then 3. I was on the verge of a full blown anxiety attack and she asked me if I was going to die again. At that moment I knew I needed help, I knew I couldn’t be the “crazy” anxiety mum. I had to change, I had to try and make it stop, so my children could have a normal childhood.
The very next day I booked myself into the doctors. Not everyone gets the help/support they need, but I was one of the lucky ones. Within the day I had my first appointment booked for counselling and I am now, at this moment in time, waiting to go back. I have also tried many different medications, but haven’t found one yet that suits me.
It’s not been plain sailing, I still now dread going back to the doctors. The night before I always have a wave of panic wash over me. Mainly my own thoughts like “will they think I’m crazy”, “will I get sectioned”, “I wonder if they will laugh at me”.
It’s been 4 years since my anxiety started and everyday is still a battle, I wish I could be a
One without anxiety and panic attacks, one that can handle surprises and unplanned trips. I also wish my family understood more, but I’ve always said unless you’ve dealt with it, you’ll never truly understand the feelings.
I am lucky though to have 3 beautiful children, and a husband that supports me on my good days, bad days and crazy days.
I do have one regret though, I wish I had gone to the GP sooner. I always think maybe if I got help a little sooner, things wouldn’t be so bad now.
Please feel free to contact me if you need to.
Lots of love
*If you want to take part in this series, please contact me at mumconventional.gmail.com*