The days before we had Oscar seem like a distant memory now. He’s been with us for a year and a half, and during the times when he makes me feel like I am literally going insane, I can’t help but miss those childless, carefree days we once had. Those that we clearly didn’t appreciate anywhere near enough.
During the times of utter despair, when it seems a better option to run off and leave all responsibility with daddy, I can’t help but find myself mentally listing the great things that come with not having kids, and repetitively telling them to every childless person I know.
If you are childless, and considering children, here are the things us parents don’t have the pleasure of having or doing anymore. If you are pregnant, good luck *evil laugh*.
1. The major one in all of this. Waking up and going to bed whenever you want. I mean, you can still go to bed whenever you want, but when you’re woken up at 7am every. single. day. despite going to sleep at 4, you will feel like you’ve been hit by several modes of transport as soon as your eyelids flicker. It’s not a good option. Go to bed at 8pm, and then you’re automatically prepared for whatever the night throws at you.
2 . Eating whenever and whatever you bloody well felt like. That was fantastic. Fancy eating tea at 9? You can’t starve the child. You can’t make them wait that long. Do you fancy doing 2 separate meals? You can’t even be arsed to do one. So instead, you’ve got to ram food you don’t even fancy down your throat at 4pm with a semi positive expression on your face, trying to set an example whilst ignoring the toddler squashing ham into his hair or throwing everything on the floor yet again. You also can’t have McDonald’s for three days in a row either because you’ll feel like a terrible person when giving it to the child. Avocado and asparagus it is then.
3 . Being able to get up and get ready at a normal pace. I used to love the process of getting ready for work, or getting ready for a night out. Deciding whether I would curl my hair, or wear a gold smokey eye instead of a champagne one. Now we have about 10 minutes to throw our clothes on, and doing my hair is usually a process of deciding just how greasy it is, and whether I can get away with it for another day. On top of this, we have to shout to the other room to keep Oscar entertained in the process, and I have to pray he won’t lose his rag in prison (baby gated), for an extra five minutes whilst I attempt to throw on some eyeliner… and yes, throw is literally the correct verb in this scenario.
4 . Remember those days when people would say “Do you fancy coming for a coffee in an hour?”… that brings me to number 4. Being able to make instant plans, and to actually do them. If someone rang me now and said that, I would piss myself laughing and assume they had got the wrong number. Try again next week love, and give me at least 3 weeks notice so I can psych myself up.5. Following on from this, leaving the house on time is also something that never ever happens anymore. You have all bags packed, shoes and coats on, you’re just about to leave… then the toddler takes his shoe off and hides it, or decides to do the biggest poonami you have ever seen. It was all so much easier when he was 2 weeks old.
6 . Days out at places that weren’t tailored to toddlers.
You can’t adult anymore, it just won’t happen. You can’t go sightseeing or do things that you’re actually interested in. Going away only seems possible when you know where the nearest soft play is. Once you have kids, you will never do anything that isn’t to keep them happy again. It’s a nightmare spending the weekend inside, not going to see the ducks for the 30,000th time, or not taking them to the swings, which they will inevitably get bored of in 80 seconds anyway. Say goodbye to lazy days in the house.7. Going for a fancy meal
. The last time me and Anthony went for a fancy meal, I had managed to convince family to look after him for an hour (and trust me, it takes convincing), and I still had snot covered tights on when we went. Going for a fancy meal with a toddler will not ever happen the way it is supposed to, and we are yet to attempt it for this exact reason. Oscar would instantly get bored waiting for food, would probably rip the menu to shreds, throw his dinner all over the floor, and (see 6) there isn’t even a shabby soft play we could abandon him in for half an hour. Pft. Would rather opt for a takeaway and a yankee candle once he’s gone to bed.
8. Spending as long as you want in the bath. Although, he does anyway. I dread to think how long he would spend in there if we didn’t have Oscar. He would probably disintegrate.
9. Only having to worry about wiping your own arse.
Contributions from other amazing bloggers I know:
I miss being able to eat my food while it’s still hot, and I miss not washing and sterilising bottles every night :’) – Eileen from 2NerdsAndABaby
I miss being selfish; putting myself first, doing as I please when I please. You’re now constantly at the bottom of the list! Spending quality time with Aaron; leisurely dinners, date nights & just relaxing together in an evening is a thing of the past.. – Rachael from FromRachaelClaire
Actually sleeping. Lie ins. Unbroken sleep. Sleep in general. Going to the toilet/having a shower/bath without being serenaded with crying, screams, the word Mum over and over again or the eerie silence which means one or all kids are trashing something – Gee from GeeGardner
I miss just spontaneously meeting friends without having to spend a week planning it before hand! – Becca from MyGirlsAndMe
The one thing I miss from before I became a mama would definitely be sleep and time to myself. When I was pregnant, I would sleep all the time and the house would always be tidy. I wish I had appreciated my time alone more because now I’m a mama I get near to no sleep & can’t even pee in peace but honestly, I wouldn’t change it for the world now. The good outweighs the bad! – Zoe from Mummy&Liss