“Hello, I am a 21-year-old female from Liverpool and I blog at SeeTheUniverse.
I have suffered with depression and anxiety for around 8 years now (a very long time I know).
My mental health problems started back in high school. I was so excited to start ‘big school’, excited to meet new friends, go to parties, you know, all the typical teenage stuff! But my confidence was shattered within the first month of being there.
I was bullied by multiple people, every day for my entire time at high school, I went from this confident bubbly young girl to being shy and anxious in a matter of days.
After the first 2 years, I became used to being treated in such a bad way and I started to believe the vicious words that they were saying (fat, worthless, loser and so much more). But then I met a boy… we got talking and became really close and before long we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
I thought things would start looking up from then on, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. 3 weeks into the relationship and things began to change, he went from being kind and caring to be both mentally and physically abusive. I was only 13 at the time, I was scared to leave him.
The relationship (if you can call it that) lasted for approximately 3 months, which felt like a lifetime. Luckily
for me, he ended it whilst I was on holiday with my family, by going around telling all of his friends and mine, that we were never together in the first place.
For me this was a lucky escape, as I don’t think I would have managed to end it for myself.
I blame him for my anxiety, every little noise makes me jump even 7-8 years later. My mind is often overwhelmed
by negative thoughts and making up crazy scenarios, resulting in me being scared to leave my house. I blame the bullies in school for my depression, every word they ever said to me has embedded in my mind.
I have never sought professional help for my mental health problems, as I do not want to go down a medical route. I have never spoken to my family about it either, out of fear of being judged and also out of fear that they would blame themselves for not noticing my behaviour change.
In my final year of high school, I met my current partner (now my fiance!). I found it very hard to open up to him at the beginning and would flinch if he moved too quickly around me. After some time I managed to tell him everything that I had been through, we both cried. He has been so supportive of me over the last 6 years, I couldn’t ask for a better partner. He even managed to persuade me to see a counsellor in college and also at university, something I never imagined myself doing.
I still have bad days, but with him by my side, I know I can make it through anything!
I have found that writing works as a form of therapy for me, I find it very relaxing and it also helps me get the thoughts out of my head. Starting my own blog earlier this year has also helped me a lot, I have spoken to many different people and I am now aware that I am not alone with my mental health.
Talking to other people who have experienced similar things to myself has been very good for me, sharing stories
with one another and offering support to each other is very heartwarming. Ii definitely wish that I had spoken out sooner, maybe my mental health would not have suffered so much if I had told someone what was going on! But now that so many years have passed, I don’t feel as though I will ever tell my family as I do not want them to blame themselves and I don’t want them to be upset at the fact that I have kept it from them for so long.
However, I highly encourage anyone who is experiencing anything similar to myself, to speak out and tell
someone as soon as possible! The sooner the better, if you can put a stop to whatever is happening, then maybe your mental health won’t suffer in the same way that mine has.”
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