I have never been proud to tell my labour story. I have a terrible fear of judgement every time I mention the words “failure to progress”. After 3 days in labour, a failed induction, broken waters and having already exhausted every other option, I gave in and admitted defeat.
Because it ended in an emergency caesarean section, I do feel somewhat inferior when it comes to discussing my birth story. Hopefully, I can use my experience to help others not make the same mistakes I did.
Fingers crossed, that is exactly what this post will do.
How My Labour Went Wrong
- I read far too much about women not making it to hospital and giving birth in car parks. As soon as the contractions starting coming, I convinced myself that I would be giving birth within the hour. Sadly, it doesn’t happen that way.
- Staff at the hospital were getting increasingly angry with me. I was turning up every couple of hours adamant that something MUST have happened, but in reality it had only been just that. A few hours. My body wasn’t even contracting properly or regularly at this point but I was too impatient and frightened to ride it out.
- Instead of googling positive stories, I searched incessantly for negatives ones so I could prepare myself for the worst. Let me tell you, that this is the worst thing you can do.
- I had no idea that laying on your back was the worst position to give birth in. When the nurses began my induction, they told me I had no choice but to lay on my back. I wish I had asked why, or if there was an alternative. Instead, I just took what they said and believed it as true, because they were professionals and I wasn’t.
- After so long with no dilation, I began to panic. This did absolutely nothing except make the pain worse, and make me more tired. Even though I had progressed when I was able to pace the room, they still wouldn’t let me get up due to my induction, so I opted for an epidural instead. Funnily enough, I swore blind that I would NEVER get an epidural, and because of the uncomfortable situation I was in, I felt I had no choice. This bothers me so much, now I look back.
During my pregnancy with Oscar, I was never offered hypnobirthing and didn’t even know what it was.
I have been spending the past few days watching The Positive Birth Company on YouTube and Siobhan is amazing. Already, I have such a different outlook on labour, what should happen, and how I want mine to go.
I have decided to go for a natural birth this time. I know it will be more complicated following a caesarean, but I am still completely able to give it another shot. From watching her videos I have discovered things I never would have known. I wasn’t aware that you could change the hospital room to suit you, for example. Not once would I have considered taking battery powered tea lights, or a room spray with me, but it makes sense and I understand completely why she recommends that you do.
If I am honest, I can’t see myself going to the classes, however there are 11 videos in total on that channel which are all around 3 – 4 minutes each, so about 35-40 minutes of my time. I have promised myself that I am going to watch the whole lot at least once a week leading up to my second labour. Might sound a bit cringe but if it works, why the hell not?
I’m Opting For A Positive Birth
I do know there are things that are beyond my control – for example, if the baby was breach. I will happily opt for another section if it is the only option available when it comes to birthing my baby safely, but I do know that the whole thing will be a lot calmer than it was the first time round, even if it does result in that.
Looking at it from a completely different angle to last time, I am trying to remind myself every day that I can do it, and that I was, in fact, made to do it. I refuse to beat myself up for the way it turns out, or how I will feel if I do end up having another caesarean.
I never thought I would sit here and write a post like this, but actually getting it out makes me feel so much better. Maybe when I have pushed a human out of my bits I will change my mind, but as long as I feel proud to tell my story at the end, that is all that matters.