I have never really written about university or my education on my blog, but as I am going on a new journey, I thought i’d take you with me.
I was 18 when I was handed my A level results. To my amazement, I had passed and I had been offered a place at the university I desperately wanted to attend. I was going to study adult nursing, because that’s what I had aimed for my whole life. Nursing was never really for me, but I knew it was a secure job, so that motivated me to carry on.
I’ve never been a risk taker. People always said to me “there will always be nursing jobs available” and it’s true, there would be… but I just didn’t want to do it. I knew I would have to give up Christmas, work bank holidays and continual 12 hour shifts. I knew I would be abused on a day to day basis, and that there would never be enough people who would say ‘thank you’ to make the job seem worth it for how miserable i’d be.
6 weeks before results day, I found out I was pregnant. 5 days after I received them, I lost my baby.
So I deferred my course. What harm would it do? I wasn’t in the right mind to study. I knew I needed a year to grieve, pull myself together, get some work experience and then focus on a degree. Obviously that didn’t happen, because 6 weeks before I was due to start the course again, I fell pregnant with Oscar.
They wouldn’t let me defer another year so I just decided I would go back to it when my kids were in school.
Every year that has gone by since, I realised more and more that being a nurse just wouldn’t make me spring out of bed in a morning. It wouldn’t fill me with joy. I just wasn’t interested. The only appealing thing was knowing how proud my family would be, but I am not living my life for them. I am paying my own bills here – sadly.
So, I decided to embark on something that is a little bit more risky, but completely me.
Anybody who has had even a few conversations with me, knows how obsessed I am with crime and unsolved murders. Weird, I know, but everyone has a weird thing that they’re probably ashamed to admit.
I used to read books about serial killers when I was 13. I’d want to understand what could have possibly gone wrong for them to do such hideous things. The Madeleine McCann case intrigued me from the moment it happened, regardless of me only being 10. I’d ask my parents regular questions, and when I was old enough, I researched the case relentlessly. I read the case notes behind crimes like O.J Simpson’s murder, Steven Avery from Making A Murderer, and so on.
When I was 16 I would go through unsolved cases and write down notes to see if I could find things that investigators may have missed. I dreamed that I would find the lead and be rewarded for solving a crime that nobody else could. That is my actual life long goal, but I didn’t think it was possible.
Criminology has a bad rep for being a “wasted” degree. It entirely depends on availability of jobs, and where you take it afterwards.
One thing I do know, is that I always wanted to have a degree behind me that meant something, especially something that I was interested in.
I am sick of doing things because I think it’ll be the safest option, and I am sick of worrying about whether it will land me with a definite career that I will be secure in forever. I want to be someone who doesn’t worry about the future. For once, I took the risk and I signed up to The Open University, to do something I will actually enjoy for myself. I refuse to look back and I will never doubt my decision.
I’d obviously love to be a detective one day, but I doubt that would happen any time soon. I think I will probably aim for the police, probation or victim support, and get as much experience behind me in that field as possible. Talking about it fills my stomach with excited butterflies, I honestly can’t believe it is happening.
My course will span across 6 years, which means that by the time I am finished Oscar will be 8 and George will be 6 – about perfect time to start a full time career again. Oh and the best part about the Open University – it’s all from home.
If you are considering signing up, I would recommend you ring the student support line and speak to them because they are lovely. If you have a career goal in mind, ask them what types of courses you can do to meet it.
Obviously, though, this means I won’t be blogging as much as I used to. I feel really sad, but I am not going to stop, my posts will just be more sporadic (as if they weren’t already). I will continue to post on my social accounts, so you can follow me there if you would like to keep up:
and if there is anything you would like to know about The Open Uni, please do not hesitate to ask me. You can contact me via email or any of my social accounts.